Don’t be a dick

I'm mean to myself. I'm allowed to do that. And I may be harsh on some other people, including my friends and especially those who seem to get under my skin.  But don't be a straight-up dick to those who serve you.

The OC can feel like the epicenter of self-entitled, rude people. So many residents think they deserve all the riches in the world, yet seem to show hardly a lick of work or effort to get it.

Two days in a row I witnessed this rude display of self-entitlement.  Normally, maybe it wouldn't affect me as much, but since it's around the holidays it feels excessively rude.

I was in line at the Carl's Jr. drive-thru to pick up lunch. On Christmas. I had my window rolled down and could hear the lady in front of me making her order again and again because the Carl's Jr. employee didn't seem to hear it right.  The lady was getting irritated to the point where she kept cutting off the order-taker. When the order-taker told her to wait one second (it sounded like the order-taker was getting someone to assist her), the woman in the car continued to rant her order, adding phrases like "for the 10th time!" and "what's so hard to understand?"  Her order of course was completely customized and she had over-complicated the order with about 5 "no" items on a burger when she could've ordered it plain with 2 items. What killed me was that she had a sticker on her BMW saying "Winner!" of whymymomdeservesadiamond.com.  Really?  If the criteria is to be a condescending bitch, then I can see why.

The second display of entitlement. The day after Christmas, I went to the bank to deposit a check.  A sign on the front of the door said they were not doing any cash transactions due to a vault issue. However, there were machines at the counter inside at which customers could still deposit/withdraw cash. As I was waiting in line to deposit my check, a lady had come in and was reminded by a bank associate that cash transactions could only be made through the machines today.  The lady was appalled and loudly stated she hated banks and that now she could not pay her bills for the month. When the bank associate asked the lady if she had her ATM card to make her transactions through the machine, she said yes. However, she refused to use the machine on principle; she wanted cash from a teller and wanted something to be done about it.  When you have an alternative that is just as safe and convenient, why argue about it?  Let it go, lady.

Here's an example in which I could've huffed and puffed. Today, I went to Starbucks for a coffee, using a gift card my landlord gave me as a Christmas present.  I ordered an eggnog latte.  I received a hazelnut latte.  I told the barista it was supposed to be eggnog, mainly to be sure I wasn't confusing my order with anyone else's.  She apologized and offered to make another one. Now, if I was a typical OC resident, I would've made a stink, probably made the barista feel like scum and demanded a Venti instead of the Grande I had ordered.  Instead, I told her not to worry about it, that it was ordered from a gift card so it's not a loss to my wallet, and I like hazelnut anyway. Another barista apologized as well and handed me a voucher for a free beverage for the next time I go there.  See?  Be nice and nice things happen. I forget that far too often. Hopefully, I can be of holiday cheer year-round.

America’s Tire

This place rocks. Specifically, the one in Costa Mesa. It helps to make an appointment.  I took my car in for a tire rotation/balance (free for the life of the tires if purchased from America’s Tire). It already seemed fairly busy there.  My car was done before I had time to listen to two songs on my phone’s Slacker Radio app!  Gotta love great, expedient service!

Hollow acclaim.

It occurred to me a while ago a friend of mine desires recognition without accountability. He wants to have the greatest outcome that makes him look favorable with minimal effort.  Usually I'd say that's "working smarter, not harder."  Not this one. Bear with me; there's a history of this behavior. But my annoyance is ever-increasing, and my tolerance for it is wearing thin.

The opposite of the type-a cliches like "no guts, no glory" and "do more, suck less" came to mind as my friend told me he wanted some help with an idea—well let's call it a project—he wanted to eventually share with a mutual group of friends, but wouldn't tell me what his project was. I asked him why he was being secretive. I suspected it was because he wanted to claim full credit for his idea and gain approval that he seems to desperately need. (Again, history there.)  I don't even remember what his first response was, possibly because it could've been legitimate. His follow-up statement was that he didn't want people asking him about his project if he announced it, in case he didn't follow it through to completion. Pussy. That's the next thing that came to mind.

Now, I'm not saying I complete every goal and project I've ever started. I've had lots of ideas fall by the wayside (and have been called out on a few). But I am willing to accept responsibility for not following through. I'll take responsibility to having no other excuse than laziness or even fear of getting started. It's being honest with others and ultimately with oneself. That's part of having integrity.

It has usually bothered me when someone won't take responsibility for their actions, particularly their failures. But now I'm not sure which is worse—one not taking responsibility for their actions (or lack of action), or a person avoiding taking the initiative unless it comes with guaranteed success just to avoid accountability.

Cheap quality taste buds.

It's fascinating that someone (including my old, fat self) who's so used to processed foods could think something that's cooked naturally with as little preservatives and added sweeteners as possible, is flavorless.

When sugary and carb-loaded foods are almost completely eliminated from the diet, the natural stuff (like fruit, herbs and juices from meat) tastes so much sweeter.

Something to keep in mind as I eat healthily for the Whole Life Challenge.

Still not a family man

A friend of mine posted on Facebook last night that she’s pregnant.  This is a friend with whom I had a conversation a few years back about marriage, and she had sworn she would never get married. She didn’t believe in the “institution” of it.  She was probably in her early to mid-20’s at the time. I’m not even sure she’s 30 yet.

Now she’s married, almost done with nursing school, and has a baby on the way. Even though I’ve hardly spoken to her in years, I am happy for her. To have a change on her outlook of life means hopefully brighter things could happen in my future as well.

But for today? I feel like a failure at becoming the family man I once thought I’d be. I can’t even hold a relationship.

Greater Purpose

Sometimes I get a strong sense to do something great. I don't know. A calling to get out of my comfort zone and make a difference. Even when I was younger, as far back as my teens, my desire to be rich wasn't so much that I could have expensive things (although they would be nice), it was so that I could help others or to travel to help others. Perhaps it was because of my fear/shyness that I felt I could better help out with money than with my own actions.

I still get that tug in the back of my mind to do something, anything, no matter how small. But as soon as I do, I'm distracted by things, everything, no matter how unimportant—TV, going out to eat, organizing my MP3 collection, the mundane habits I've developed for so long.

Maybe I'm scared. Of what though? What will I miss out on? Fun activities with my friends? Drinking with them? Going to movies with them? Inside jokes? Why should I care so much? Yeah, it's fun to do those things and be with my friends, but that shouldn't define me, and it definitely shouldn't hold me back. Shouldn't the satisfaction of doing something worthwhile outweigh the feeling of being left out?

Maybe that's my problem. I want to be involved in everyone's life so much, I feel lonely in this world when I'm... alone. It goes back to finding happiness within myself, not relying on others from which to derive it.

Roommates

I miss having roommates sometimes. It gets lonely and the noise from TV doesn’t make up for real people’s conversations even if I’m not interacting with them. Just knowing friends are literally close by if I wanted to chat or go grab a bite to eat with them on a whim was a nice thing to have.

Maybe it’s in anticipation of going to Vegas this weekend with friends (2 of whom are former roommates), but tonight is one of those lonely nights when I wish someone was here in my condo. Not necessarily to “hang out” but to have around while I’m getting things done around here.

I did it!

Yeah, this post is a little late. I've been busy. Deal with it.

My weight loss challenge ended April 28th and I won. It felt unreal at first and I was (and still am) uncomfortable with the praise I received, but I'm extremely proud of myself, for several reasons that could've made my final month difficult.

• Midway through the challenge, my trainer (and gym co-owner), Aaron, told me that I had to reach 220 lbs as my end weight, which is three pounds more than the 70 pounds originally agreed upon. He claimed that he said all along that he rounded it to 220 from 223 to make it a nice even number to reach. So I had to contend with losing an additional 3 pounds.
• I weighed in for March late, on April 3rd instead of the first day of April. I had only lost 3 pounds in March, leaving me 9 pounds to lose in April, when I had surely expected to hit my goal weight by the end of March.
• I weighed in for April on the 28th, instead of May 1st, cutting my deadline by 3 days because Aaron would be on vacation starting April 29th.

So how did I do? I beat my challenge by 10 pounds, weighing in at 210 lbs on the gym scale! That means I lost 19 pounds in April, despite the reasons listed above. I lost more weight in my final month than any other month, even more than any of the first three months in which I averaged about 14.5 pounds lost per month.

Aaron was extremely nice to me (and proud of me) that day. He interviewed me with a video camera as I walked up to the gym that morning. Several gym members were there, specifically to see my weigh-in. One was even in his work uniform and stopped by just to see my weigh-in before going to work. I am not one to enjoy the spotlight whatsoever, not physically in front of people like that. I was nervous with sweat within seconds.

Aaron made an announcement to the gym to have everyone gather around. He played a 7-minute video projected onto a screen for us to watch before I would step onto the scale.  It was a slideshow of my progress, each month's photo of me without a shirt (slightly embarrassing!) along with workout shots of me with encouraging little captions, like "He never gave up," and "he never complained." I was touched. I can't recall the last time I received, and valued, such recognition from my peers. The slideshow was followed by a clip of a video my trainer's fiancee had taken as I was doing the last 100 meters or so of my final pre-weigh-in workout, a 1000m burpee bound, followed by an on-the-spot interview Aaron had me do.

Then it was time for the weigh-in. Other than my first month, Aaron had always made me face away from the scale so I could never see the numbers as I was being weighed; he would just tell me what it was. This time, he let me face the scale. It's an old-school scale, the kind most doctors' offices still use. I stepped on it, saw that the scale was set to 200, but that moving the weight to 220 made it too heavy. My heart did a somersault. When it was stopped at 210, I really don't remember my reaction. I only remember relief. My memory is actually sort of a blur from that point. I remember Stephanie, another trainer who had led several of my classes throughout the challenge, gave me a tight hug. There were a lot of high-fives and "great job" comments.

Winning that challenge was probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do; it required so much focus and discipline. I'm not sure I ever had that kind of discipline with anything in my life. I only wish I could have that in other areas of my life right now. Now that I'm done with this challenge, perhaps I can focus some of that energy to improving myself in other aspects of my well-being.

Someone said something very nice about me.

I’m feeling pretty low lately about stuff. No details. That’s all you get.

So, I’m pasting a Facebook post that a fellow gym member wrote about me the day before I won my weight loss challenge to make myself feel better. I was extremely honored that someone thought this of me, even more so that he took the time to write it out and post for his friends (and mine) to see. The comments that followed from other members at my gym as well as friends were touching as well, but I’ve left those out.

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I was inspired by Darrin S today. Were you?

by Michael on Friday, April 27, 2012 at 6:47pm ·

Do you know how far 1000 meters is? It's 0.62 miles. Do you know what a "burpee bound" is, in Crossfit terms? Together, they are done in 6 steps:

1. Begin in a standing position.
2. Drop into a squat position with your hands on the ground.
3. Extend your feet back in one quick motion and put your chest on the ground (bottom of a push up).
4. Return to the squat position in one quick motion.
5. Return to an upright standing position.
6. Jump forward with both feet together as far as you can. Repeat...

Do you know who Darrin is? He is a member of the same Crossfit gym as myself. He started a weight loss bet with the owner, and they dubbed it "70 lbs in 7 months". His final weigh in is tomorrow, so I should start this off by saying, GOOD LUCK DARRIN!

I came into the gym today a little sluggish. Monday and Wednesday were pretty hard WOD's (Workout of the Day), and I didn't feel like getting up this morning. I noticed Darrin was missing. Usually I see him, and ask how his morning went. He would sometimes say "I rowed for an hour" or, "I did 2 WOD's", or something crazy of that nature. I have heard the other trainers say that he was "a machine", and "such an inspiration". I got to witness this first hand today.

Do you remember what burpee bounds and what 1000 meters were? Well he did those, that far! No running, jogging, walking, or steps of any kind. His body hits the floor, he springs back up, and jumps for 0.62 miles over and over and over until he's done.

I have been inspired by people on TV, and the things poeple have accomplished in the face of adversity. Sure, inspiration is all around us. BUT, it's different when you are watching someone accomplish something right in front of your eyes, with a  look of dedication. When you see it live and in person, the effect is different. He made everything I had to do that day, look easy. Darrin had dirt and gutter water on his clothes, his cheeks were dirty from resting at the bottom, and he still had the ability to laugh at Aaron's donut jokes on the final stretch. He looked like a homeless person after a storm. It was truly an inspiration to watch Darrin accomplish this amazing feat on his last day before weigh in.

I don't know him all that well, but for the 10 mintues I spent watching him finish, he reminded me what hard work and dedication really is. We will be there tomorrow to see his final weigh in, and whether or not he makes his goal number, he has still won. 

If ANYONE at the gym reads the board and sighs at the day's WOD, think of Darrin. It should remind you of how much of a (p)wussy you are.

Thanks for the inspiration Darrin.

ADHD

http://twitter.com/#!/Schwizzle/statuses/76045289609379840

I don't have actual ADHD; I have what I think is more like Attention Deficit Hoarding Disorder. I keep collecting, recording, downloading, eating, and collecting even more. Of everything. Books, video games, recipes, Blu-rays, Tivo'd shows, magazines, junk, junk, junk. 

I have a bookcase full of books. I've probably only read 10% of them. More like 5%. I have video games that haven't been unwrapped since I bought them over 2 years ago.  Movies that I've purchased and haven't watched since buying them. The list goes on.

In fact, I even have a to-do list that grows everyday more and more as tasks get accomplished less and less.  I waste so much time doing nothing that nothing I want to do is getting done.  I'm not learning, I'm not progressing, I'm not sharpening any skills, wit, ANYTHING.  The greatest (and possibly the only worthwhile) accomplishment I've done is winning my weight loss challenge (which needs a post of its own that I keep putting off as well).

It's not that I don't have time for doing/reading/watching these things; I'm not making time. If I would only put as much focus into improving myself overall as I did with working out, I'd... well, I'd probably lose quite a few friends actually... but maybe I'd finally have success in some other areas of my life.

Still

I know she doesn’t mean to, but she still breaks my heart.

Tech support woe

Sometimes a person can have just enough IT knowledge to seem like he knows what he's talking about until you finally realize a key component of the problem was left out of the conversation.

Today’s example: The concern reported at first was, "My printer was working fine yesterday but isn't working today." (That should’ve been a clue right away this person doesn’t have IT knowledge. That’s never enough info to start with.)  Then they went into details of the troubleshooting steps, whether or not it's connected to the network, if it's pulling an IP address--all the things that make it sound like this printer should still be working. But one very key thing they've left out: It's not even the same printer, nor the same model printer that the software is configured to utilize. When I asked, as I usually initially do, if anything changed since yesterday, that might have been a good opportunity for the person to tell me that instead of “nothing I can think of.” Ugh.

Communication! Communication! communication!

Still heartbroken

It’s been about a year since I fell for someone I shouldn’t have, and put myself into a situation of continuous heartbreak.

I’m almost done with my weight loss challenge. I won’t have the frustration of having to text my trainer photos of everything I’m eating. I won’t have to worry about back to back workouts. Heck, I could even go down to five days a week at the gym if I want.

After that challenge ends, it’ll be time for a new one.  I cannot continue to let myself get hurt over and over when I could (and should!) be doing something about it. I have to let go of the hope that she’ll come around before I move on. I need to start hoping that another who deserves me will someday come into my life who will want to be with me as much as I’d want to be with her.

Actually… no.  I need to just start being happy alone. That’s what I need to work on. That’s the real challenge.

Giving up on love

Yup. It’s another melodramatic post!

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Yet another day without a Valentine in my life.

I’ve only had a profile on an online dating site for maybe 3 weeks and I’m beyond any hope that I’ll find someone special on there.  The girl I am in love with chooses to try and maintain a relationship with a guy with whom she’s not even sure she’d spend the rest of her life, which I can only view as wasting potential opportunities to have a greater life with someone else (not even necessarily me). And the only girl who’s actually pursued me recently seems like a fun girl, but I’m not attracted to her physically.

I guess I’m too picky. I’m giving up on anything meaningful with anyone. I’d like to think it won’t be forever, but everything feels hopeless right now.

Truly a Darrin Downer day.

Compliments’ end is nigh!

Not sure if this a rave or a rant. Maybe both.

I'm very flattered that people have been complimenting my weight loss (44 lbs in 3 months is pretty noticeable).  It makes me feel good, like I'm really accomplishing something.  I'm not only noticing the changes myself but finally really accepting them—that I'm getting stronger, I have better endurance, and so on.  (Changes in my upper torso are definitely noticeable, while my belly still needs to burn a lot of fat.)

But what happens when I'm finally down to a weight with which I'm happy?  No more compliments. I'll just be an average guy. No more compliments; no more encouragement. Just whatever. I'm hoping that I'll have some magical boost in confidence, but I've never really had a high self-esteem. Then again, I've always been fat except 9 years ago for just a few short months.

So once more this is why I need to focus on myself, not to rely on others for my happiness or self-image. All part of my unofficial New Year's resolution of moving on, moving forward.

Budget time

Now that I'm in the middle of my weight loss challenge, it means I'm not going out late during the week, and it also means I'm not drinking much any more. With that in mind, I really need to create a budget for "fun" spending and limit myself.  I need to be much better about not spending my money on eating out (probably the biggest drain on my bank account).

I need to get focused on obliterating what debt I have left.  It's not huge compared to what others have, but it's more than what a single guy living in an apartment should have. Especially a single guy who doesn't want to be single. I make very decent money right now as an independent contractor. But lately, more often than not, I'm heavily entertaining the idea of switching careers, likely meaning a much lower income to which I must prepare to adjust.

The crappy part about creating a budget and sticking to it means staying home, typically alone, and I'm clearly not good with that. I like hanging out with my friends. But most are in relationships and I feel like a third wheel around them. I just need to intensely re-focus on myself and accept the immediate comforts around me (books, video games, Netflix... the list goes on.)