Sometimes I get a strong sense to do something great. I don't know. A calling to get out of my comfort zone and make a difference. Even when I was younger, as far back as my teens, my desire to be rich wasn't so much that I could have expensive things (although they would be nice), it was so that I could help others or to travel to help others. Perhaps it was because of my fear/shyness that I felt I could better help out with money than with my own actions.
I still get that tug in the back of my mind to do something, anything, no matter how small. But as soon as I do, I'm distracted by things, everything, no matter how unimportant—TV, going out to eat, organizing my MP3 collection, the mundane habits I've developed for so long.
Maybe I'm scared. Of what though? What will I miss out on? Fun activities with my friends? Drinking with them? Going to movies with them? Inside jokes? Why should I care so much? Yeah, it's fun to do those things and be with my friends, but that shouldn't define me, and it definitely shouldn't hold me back. Shouldn't the satisfaction of doing something worthwhile outweigh the feeling of being left out?
Maybe that's my problem. I want to be involved in everyone's life so much, I feel lonely in this world when I'm... alone. It goes back to finding happiness within myself, not relying on others from which to derive it.
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