Until I can put some of my ranting thoughts in order, I’m posting some of my old “blogs” from the MySpace days. Considering they’re more than 2 or 3 years old, they’re quite outdated. They’re also pretty ridiculous in nature—so not much different than now.
Originally posted on MySpace June 5, 2006
Maybe it's because I'm in Seattle this week and I'm just reminiscing about my past here, but I realized today that everlasting friendships are becoming uncommon. Or at least in my life, they seem to be. Time and distance seem to have such an impact on friendships.
The only person I consider to be my best friend lives halfway across the country, perhaps even more if I really knew my geography. This is a friendship that was built while I was in high school. I was able to tell him anything without feeling judged or belittled. He knew most of my history and I knew most of his. He knew my struggles and I knew his. Typical "best friend" type stuff...
Now... I hardly ever talk to him. I can't even remember the last phone conversation I had with him. The last time I saw him was in December of 2004. The last time I had seen him before that was in 1997, when he helped me pack the moving truck I drove down to California. However... He is still my best friend. Why? When I saw him in 2004, it was like our friendship never skipped a beat. We reminisced of old times of course, but we also talked about new things going on in our life and the conversation never got stale. I was still able to say anything without feeling judged. Even if I become a complete asshole in this world, I know he'll still be my friend. I know that if things get so bad I need somewhere to turn, I can still call him up and get support.
Why am I even mentioning all this? Because it's amazing how some of the other friendships I've had that seemed so strong have withered so easily over time. The friends I grew up with from the time I can remember all the way through my high school years, I hardly know now. Since I've moved to California, I hardly see them, hardly e-mail them, hardly talk to them. Again, time and distance have such an impact on friendships. Even some of the friends I've made since moving down to California, I only see from time to time. Friends I've had when I worked at Mercury Insurance, I rarely see. Friends I've had at White Cap who no longer work there, I hardly see. I know that some day when I leave White Cap, I won't be as close to the friends I have there now.
All these relationships fade and it's quite sad. It seems that as I get older, the harder it is to form permanent friendships with people. When there's not a single common gathering place where people regularly meet, the friendship goes away. Whether it's been school, work or church, a common thread kept the friendship going. When that common thread disappears, the friendship eventually goes too. Time passes by and because the reason for getting together is no longer there, friends stop meeting. Because someone has moved more than 30 minutes away, friends stop meeting. Friendships seem to be conditional.
Perhaps my expectations for building new friendships are too high. Maybe being vulnerable is only for spouses and siblings, neither of which I have. Maybe just going out with friends for drinks, seeing movies, or playing sports is all that there is in a friendship; not discussing life issues, beliefs, goals or anything else that might be too personal.
Don't get me wrong. I do have great friendships right now and I enjoy being with my friends as much as possible. But when I look at the friendships I had 10 years ago and see what state they're in now, I wonder which of my current friendships will be sustained 10 years from now?
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