I got profiled!

Until I can put some of my ranting thoughts in order, I’m posting some of my old “blogs” from the MySpace days. Considering they’re more than 2 or 3 years old, they’re quite outdated. They’re also pretty ridiculous in nature—so not much different than now.

Originally posted on MySpace February 13, 2007

This happened to me yesterday.  My story must be told.

I wasn't speeding, I wasn't swerving. I even used my signal when making my turns. But for some reason the Po-Po decided to pull me over when I was driving from our corporate office to our off-site data center in Irvine.
I was sitting behind an 18-wheeler at a two-lane left-turn waiting for the light to change. I saw the patrol car pull up in the lane next to me, just a little behind. The light turns green and I follow the 18-wheeler through the turn. I'm now in the middle of three lanes, with the patrol car in the left lane, nearly right along side of me and the semi on the right, but I need to get over to the right. I look over and I see the cop looking at me as I notice him. I accelerate slightly and pass the semi on the right since I needed to make a right turn up ahead. As I do, the patrol car moved over two lanes and pulled right up behind me. Just as I'm about to get to the street I need to turn right on, the cop flips the lights on. I turned very slowly onto my intended street, but realize there's no shoulder, just a sidewalk. I wasn't sure what I should do. Do I slowly drive until I could turn into a parking lot or street, or just stop? Well as soon as I made the decision to stop, I hear a BLOOP coming from his siren. Yeah, I stopped right there. I pulled up as close to the sidewalk as I could.

I couldn't think of a reason why the 5-0 would stop me. Was my tail light out? Did someone steal my tags? Or even my license plate??

As the law enforcer walked up to my car, it was fortunate that my rear windows were rolled down enough so I could lean back and inform him that my driver side window doesn't roll down (yes, STILL, for those of you who know it hasn't been working for over a year now). The officer said nothing and opened my door. He tells me to remove the key from the ignition, so the constant beeping while the door's open wouldn't become bothersome. He then asked for my license and registration. With no hesitation, I gave him the documents.

He asked me where I was headed. I replied, "to the AT&T Data Center off of Kelvin and Jamboree."

"For work?"

"Yes, sir."

"What's wrong with your window?"

"I think the motor's broken. All the other windows roll down except this one. I have the part [lie] but I just haven't put it in yet."

At this point I think, That's it. I'm getting a fix-it ticket because my window won't roll down. But he wouldn't have known that so why the heck did he pull me over?

NOW, he starts asking some unusual questions, all the while with my driver side door open and he's standing practically in the middle of the right lane... 

"Have you ever been pulled over?"

"Yes, sir." 

"What were you pulled over for?"

"Speeding." 

"How long ago was the last time you got pulled over?"

"Quite a while ago, sir. I don't actually remember." 

"Have you ever been arrested or gone to jail?"

"No, sir." Now I'm wondering if they think I'm someone else and I probably have either a scared-shitless look or a look of comical disbelief. 

"Have you ever been in trouble with the law other than traffic violations?" asks the cop.

I almost crack up and I think I may have even chuckled when stumbling with a response. "No, sir. No way, no. Uh-uh. Never." 

"Do you have any weapons or illegal substances in your vehicle?"

I'm thinking WHAT?!? OK, what gives? I'm definitely NOT who you think I am. This time I did let out a small laugh and said, "Absolutely not, officer. None at all." After I replied that way, I thought I just incriminated myself somehow. THEN he tells me why he pulled me over. 

"I pulled you over for these," while tapping my window. He then asks for my insurance card. I give it to him and he says he'll be right back and to watch myself as he closes my door for me. He walks to his patrol car.

The realization hits me that even though he didn't specifically say they're too dark, I've got tinted windows and they're probably TOO dark. So here's a car that you can barely see into, except that you can probably make out that there's some guy with a cap and a shaggy face driving it. AND it's Irvine. No funny-business is allowed in Irvine, one of the top ten safest cities in the United States. Great. Now I'm going to get TWO fix-it tickets. One for the window that won't roll down and one because my windows are too dark. Well, at least I'm not getting arrested... I hope.

Finally, the officer walks back up to my car, on the passenger side this time, and taps on my window. I roll down the window. The officer reaches in without even leaning down whatsoever and hands me my documents. I don't even see his face. All he says is, "This is a verbal warning," and walks away. Like an idiot I lean over to the window and ask, "For the windows, sir?!" realizing I should have kept my mouth shut, but expecting some sort of specific answer as to what was "wrong" with my windows. Without skipping a beat he said, "Yes" and continued walking back to his patrol car.

As I drove away I thought, Maybe, just MAYBE, it's time to fix this window so it rolls down. At least I could go through the drive-thru at Del Taco again.