I hate when people tell me "Don't worry, you'll find the right girl." I know the intention is good and yes it's nice to hear, but it's just bullshit. No one can ever tell me what my future has in store for me and saying that doesn't make me feel any better about it.
One of my close friends that was in town this week told me I'm the "best catch in the world," that I'm the "greatest guy a girl could want." She said this in front of her boyfriend who had to jokingly interject with, "You mean second best, right?" And as good as it felt to hear my friend tell me how important I am and as heartfelt as she meant it, it's harder and harder for me to believe such a thing.
It seems I'm usually clicking with women who are already in relationships. I've even been accused of making that my modus operandi though I disagree (and can prove it!) My friends and family know I want someone in my life, to be my support system and for me to give my everything to. I understand they want me to be happy and so they'll encourage me by saying I'll find that special woman someday; that I shouldn't waste time on the ones that are in relationships no matter how well I click with them. Maybe I've become too picky. Maybe I'm too difficult to be accepted. But when someone fits the mold pretty damn close, I consider that perfect and it's hard to let that go.
I'm not even sure the point of this rant. But I was watching an episode of Glee (yeah, so what?!), and there's a scene between the characters Emma and Will Scheuster. Will's apologizing for the Britney number he did to impress Emma to prove he wasn't so uptight. Emma responds that he just needed to relax and that he's the best teacher in the school, so "why would you want to be someone else, when the someone that you already are is so amazing?" I think it's Will's response that summarizes how I've felt when I've shared my feelings with a woman to whom I’m attracted but doesn't feel the same about me. "Because the boring someone I already am wasn't good enough for you."
That's how I feel I guess. I know I have faults. I know those faults are why I overreact in some situations. But I also know I'd be a good boyfriend. I could be a great boyfriend. I wasn't the best husband, but I was a good one. And I would be a better one now. There was a lot I learned. I'm still learning now. But I want to better myself with someone now, not because of someone. Maybe I know that when I meet the right woman, all the time I'll have been waiting will be worth it. That's quite romantic in thought. But the question is, how much longer do I have to wait? And the pathetic answer I seem to be coming up with lately is, however long it takes until I create an online dating profile. :(
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