The Ex

When I say "my ex," I'm usually referring to my ex-wife.  It's her birthday today, so I'm going to post a little about her.

I was married from December 28th, 1998 until July 15th (or was it 16th?), 2006. I was 22 when I got married. And I was immature. And a lot of other dumb things, I'm sure. I was 30 when I got divorced—and still immature.  I'm not delving into the history of my marriage, but needless to say my ex-wife and I developed differences that made a healthy marriage difficult to maintain.

So it's strange for most people to hear me say that my ex-wife is one of my best friends.  We're not buddy-buddy, "Hey let's go spend the afternoon playing some mini-golf for the hell of it," best friends. The fact she lives in another state makes that unfeasible anyway. But she is one of the few people I can really trust and rely upon.  She's incredibly smart, humorous, nurturing, crafty, skillful, grounded, and has the most common sense of anyone I've known.  She's beautiful.  She's helpful when I ask for help. She's quiet when I just want to vent. She emails me tons of informative stuff, quite often hooking me up with some good deals, or at least letting me know about them. (I'm a Google whore and since she's also gaga for Google, I learn a lot of cool stuff about Gmail, etc. from her). I can be quite open with her about my thoughts or feelings regarding people or circumstances. I'm able to receive criticism or praise from her, whereas before I would be in defense mode, viewing any criticism as judgement or ridicule. Her opinions are usually important to me now. 

I think I've come a long way in the time since our divorce. Having made friends and relationships during our separation and after the divorce helped me to see who I am, what I want to be, and what I won't put up with.

A couple of years ago, I was having a very difficult time coping with my life. My ex was one of the few people who truly gave me support, inspiring words, and encouragement.  In many ways, I think that when I really become interested in a certain woman, I still use my ex as a quality standard to measure her against. Except for music—we have very little in common when it comes to music! Nobody's perfect.

I do see her every once in a while.  Her family and I are still close and I'm still invited to birthday parties and the like.  When we see each other, it's like seeing any other close friend.  We can be serious, joke and tease each other.

And in case you're thinking, am I in love with her?  No.  Do I love her?  Yes, dearly. I have a deep respect for her and I hope we'll be friends for a very long time. It's awesome knowing that even though we weren't the best spouses for each other, we can still be great friends.