Living single, but not alone.

Sometimes it sucks being single. And it sucks renting a room out of someone's house. Especially at 34.

I do have plenty to be thankful for (I'll post later on that), but I get so bummed when I think about the fact I don't have a place of my own. I don't care that I don't own a house nor have a mortgage. I've moved past hoping for that. I've accepted that as long as I live in southern California, I will be a renter.

But when I spend my time at home, I'm tired of spending it in my bedroom, which is also my living room, which is also my office, which is also my dining room. I want a place where I can come home, sit in a recliner, and turn on whatever I feel like watching on a TV I don't have to share. Or play Rock Band. Or embarrass myself with a home workout. A place where I can cook with my own good-quality kitchen utensils and shop for groceries without worrying if I'll take up too much of my shelf space in the fridge. A dining table where I can sit for breakfast or dinner without having chit-chat with people who really don't give a shit about what's going on in my life.

It's been on my mind a lot lately. A single friend of mine who's renting a room from someone else's house is moving out to an apartment/condo of his own this month. Another friend just moved into her boyfriend's recently purchased home tonight. One of my best friends moved up to Seattle a year ago, found a nice apartment and lives on her own. Another couple I've recently become friends with have a really nice apartment and I'm envious every time I visit. And all these friends are younger than me. I feel like I fell behind the status quo in my 30's. I have less and less single friends these days and most of the couples I know live together.

It doesn't feel good to be single and not have a place of my own. It's embarrassing. I've never lived by myself. From the time I moved out of my parents house to go to college, I've always lived with someone else. Granted, during most of my 20's I was married and hence lived with my spouse as a married man probably should; but the point is I've never lived by myself.

Is that the rant? I've been so financially unwise for so long, I've never been able to afford a place on my own? Or am I afraid of living alone? Or am I unbearable for the opposite sex to live with? Oh, the psychology!