Tech support woe

Sometimes a person can have just enough IT knowledge to seem like he knows what he's talking about until you finally realize a key component of the problem was left out of the conversation.

Today’s example: The concern reported at first was, "My printer was working fine yesterday but isn't working today." (That should’ve been a clue right away this person doesn’t have IT knowledge. That’s never enough info to start with.)  Then they went into details of the troubleshooting steps, whether or not it's connected to the network, if it's pulling an IP address--all the things that make it sound like this printer should still be working. But one very key thing they've left out: It's not even the same printer, nor the same model printer that the software is configured to utilize. When I asked, as I usually initially do, if anything changed since yesterday, that might have been a good opportunity for the person to tell me that instead of “nothing I can think of.” Ugh.

Communication! Communication! communication!

Still heartbroken

It’s been about a year since I fell for someone I shouldn’t have, and put myself into a situation of continuous heartbreak.

I’m almost done with my weight loss challenge. I won’t have the frustration of having to text my trainer photos of everything I’m eating. I won’t have to worry about back to back workouts. Heck, I could even go down to five days a week at the gym if I want.

After that challenge ends, it’ll be time for a new one.  I cannot continue to let myself get hurt over and over when I could (and should!) be doing something about it. I have to let go of the hope that she’ll come around before I move on. I need to start hoping that another who deserves me will someday come into my life who will want to be with me as much as I’d want to be with her.

Actually… no.  I need to just start being happy alone. That’s what I need to work on. That’s the real challenge.

Giving up on love

Yup. It’s another melodramatic post!

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Yet another day without a Valentine in my life.

I’ve only had a profile on an online dating site for maybe 3 weeks and I’m beyond any hope that I’ll find someone special on there.  The girl I am in love with chooses to try and maintain a relationship with a guy with whom she’s not even sure she’d spend the rest of her life, which I can only view as wasting potential opportunities to have a greater life with someone else (not even necessarily me). And the only girl who’s actually pursued me recently seems like a fun girl, but I’m not attracted to her physically.

I guess I’m too picky. I’m giving up on anything meaningful with anyone. I’d like to think it won’t be forever, but everything feels hopeless right now.

Truly a Darrin Downer day.

Compliments’ end is nigh!

Not sure if this a rave or a rant. Maybe both.

I'm very flattered that people have been complimenting my weight loss (44 lbs in 3 months is pretty noticeable).  It makes me feel good, like I'm really accomplishing something.  I'm not only noticing the changes myself but finally really accepting them—that I'm getting stronger, I have better endurance, and so on.  (Changes in my upper torso are definitely noticeable, while my belly still needs to burn a lot of fat.)

But what happens when I'm finally down to a weight with which I'm happy?  No more compliments. I'll just be an average guy. No more compliments; no more encouragement. Just whatever. I'm hoping that I'll have some magical boost in confidence, but I've never really had a high self-esteem. Then again, I've always been fat except 9 years ago for just a few short months.

So once more this is why I need to focus on myself, not to rely on others for my happiness or self-image. All part of my unofficial New Year's resolution of moving on, moving forward.

Budget time

Now that I'm in the middle of my weight loss challenge, it means I'm not going out late during the week, and it also means I'm not drinking much any more. With that in mind, I really need to create a budget for "fun" spending and limit myself.  I need to be much better about not spending my money on eating out (probably the biggest drain on my bank account).

I need to get focused on obliterating what debt I have left.  It's not huge compared to what others have, but it's more than what a single guy living in an apartment should have. Especially a single guy who doesn't want to be single. I make very decent money right now as an independent contractor. But lately, more often than not, I'm heavily entertaining the idea of switching careers, likely meaning a much lower income to which I must prepare to adjust.

The crappy part about creating a budget and sticking to it means staying home, typically alone, and I'm clearly not good with that. I like hanging out with my friends. But most are in relationships and I feel like a third wheel around them. I just need to intensely re-focus on myself and accept the immediate comforts around me (books, video games, Netflix... the list goes on.)

New Year’s Eve

I abhor this day. Almost as much as Valentine’s Day. With the exception of while I was married, I’ve spent only one New Year’s Eve that I can remember with someone special. That was two years ago. Oddly, it was with someone who broke up with her boyfriend the following day and I became the boyfriend of someone else a week later. That was probably one of, if not the, best New Year’s of my life.

Other than that exception, I hate New Year’s Eve. I know it should be about celebrating the new year with friends and even family. But for me it’s a reminder I’m starting a new year alone again. Almost always has been. Being single and wasting my love on someone who’s unavailable, is exacerbating my bitterness today.

If ever I could be drugged enough to maintain an escape from reality for more than 24 hours, today’s that day.

I’m not supposed to drink tonight. My weight loss challenge is only in a couple days and I need to be good for a decent progress check-in. However, I’m so irrationally angry, sad, hurt, bitter, rejected… A bottle of vodka might be my best companion tonight.

“One of Those Days” by Joshua Radin

"Wait right here,"
Is all she said to me
And so right here I stay

Time has reached our home
And I've been left alone
It's carried her away

And everyone keeps saying,
"Nothing helps but time"
Time is all I own

And time won't stop replaying
Over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away, I know I can't take it
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days

Now a year has passed
Alone I stay inside
And I await the rain

To wash away your face
So I don't have to hide
The sight of you is painful

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away, I know I can't take it anymore
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days

And I can't stop seeing your face
I can't stop seeing your face every place

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away, I know I can't take it anymore
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days