“Excited”

I wrote this poem this morning. I rarely feel like anything I write is complete and this is no exception, but I wanted to get this posted so I wouldn’t lose the momentum.

“Excited”

I get excited when my phone chirps because it might be her.
Maybe an email, a text or a tweet from Twitter.
I get excited when I see her because I know I'll be hypnotized.
There's nothing else I want to think about when I look into her eyes.
I get excited when she's near, even more so at the slightest touch.
I love to make her swoon. It's a constant goal to make her blush.
I get excited when we're together, the moments that seem to linger.
It's adorable when she giggles, when she nervously bites her finger.
I get excited when she changes her hair. I look forward to every style.
I like driving her around in my car, always hoping for another mile.
I get excited for her comebacks and her innuendos, her hilarious and clever wit.
My eyes water and my gut hurts something fierce when she puts me in a laughing fit.
I get excited when she tolerates my dumb jokes, I love hearing her laughter.
When we part ways, I can't resist to text or email her that I miss her after.
I get excited when we're out to eat and she's bold to try something new.
It's cute when she feeds me a bite, and generous when she feeds me a few.
I get excited when I discover we have so much in common with each other.
All kinds of music, books, movies, bacon and even peanut butter.

I get excited, full of butterflies, but then tears begin to swell.
She's not mine to have. If she ever could be, I cannot tell.
I get excited and flush with tingles, but then it's difficult for my throat to swallow.
My mind knows I should move in a new direction, but my heart refuses to follow.
I get excited, but the notions are bittersweet and full of longing sighs.
I can't stop the rush of emotions, no matter how hard I try.
I get excited because I'm a fool for wanting the romance.
I hold my breath and I hold hope for some miraculous chance.
I get excited. The future's unwritten. The excitement may not survive.
But for now I'll keep her twitterpated, because it makes me feel alive.

Amazon.com reviewers

I shop through Amazon.com a lot.  I love that site.  And I often use the reviews of people on that site to determine what model of a particular product I'll choose when researching an item.

But some Amazon shoppers apparently don't understand the purpose of a review.  

"This product didn't work for me." That's not a review. It's just a statement. There's nothing specific about the experience whatsoever.  What didn't work? Did it not meet expectations?

That's another kind of review.  "This product did not fit in my cabinet space, blah, blah."  And yet, I could find exactly where the dimensions are detailed on the product page.  That's the reviewer's error in shopping, not a review.

"My product came in a box smashed by UPS and I can't send it back to Amazon."  What does that have to do with the product at all?  That's not a review.

There's also the review that doesn't even pertain the exact model they're reviewing.  For example, I was researching slow cookers and saw a review from someone who had used a particular brand of slow cookers for 30 years.  She went on detail the previous sizes of the slow cookers she had.  This one being "reviewed" was a 5qt slow cooker.  Her final line of the review was that they no longer come in six quart model like the one she currently has; the next best thing would be to get that 5qt. model.  Uhhh, so you don't actually have this particular model?  That's not a review!  That's a recommendation based on brand loyalty.  That doesn't mean the 5qt. model operates in the same way, or that some manufacturing change may have improved or reduced its usefulness.  Manufacturing changes all the time even on the simplest of products.  A review shouldn't be based on assumption, but what the shopper has actually experienced with the product.

Finally, I saw one today for a free Android app.  The app was basically a way to link a Starbucks "rewards" card, refill the dollar amount of the card and keep track of points, etc. so a person wouldn't have to carry the actual card in their wallet.  This one particular reviewer gave the app one star, the lowest rating. In the review they chastised Starbucks's business practices and encouraged everyone to buy their coffee from local coffee shops.  That was it.  It had nothing to do with the app whatsoever.  It was just a soapbox statement against Starbucks.  It wasn't even a Starbucks sponsored app! It was a third party app from an independent developer.

If you write a review of a product, try to include a critique of the actual product in the review.

Every woman lies.

I am NO expert when it comes to women. But I've been friends with enough of them to come to this conclusion about almost every single woman in a relationship: Most women will cheat. Every woman will lie. (White lies are still lies.) But what's considered cheating? What's cheating for some, may be only flirting for others. Is groping cheating? Is kissing cheating? Does oral sex count? Where is the line drawn? It's subjective, so I can't say every woman cheats.  

But every woman lies.

What makes me think that? Because I've been told secrets by nearly every female friend I've had since I was 16.  At some point, a woman will hang out with a guy "friend" in a very date-like fashion and not tell her boyfriend about it. At some point, a woman will kiss a guy and not tell her boyfriend about it.  At some point, a girl will be drunk and allow or even encourage guys to fondle her breasts and not tell her boyfriend about it.  I've known one girl who was still getting over her ex-boyfriend, while having occasional sex with his friend (whom she rarely kissed), while also developing a new relationship with a guy online. I've known one girl who dated a guy while she also had a friend with benefits and only stopped the side man when she felt the main relationship became exclusive and she was invested into it enough. I've witnessed it over and over again.

Yes, it could be argued that withholding a truth is not the same as a lie, but if a woman can share this secret with me, why can't she be just as truthful to her boyfriend? (Never mind that on more than one occasion, I'm the one she's crossing the line with.) Is it because her boyfriend might get upset? Will it hurt him? Yes, possibly? Well, then that's why it's a lie. The honesty in the relationship has been eroded and along with it, the trust.  Cheating or not, it's a manipulation of the relationship.

Why am I ranting about this? Because it's the kind of shit that racks my brain when I start to have feelings for a woman, and sometimes even after I've lost those feelings for a woman. At what point will I be lied to by the woman I have feelings for, or at what point will I find out about the truths a past flame has withheld?  It's a damn-near fact I will be lied to, whether white lie or big lie.  But truths have a way of surfacing.  When they do, which ones will I let affect me and which ones will I be able to accept without an evidence of hurt? Which ones should I convince myself are no big deal and which ones should I allow to break my trust?  I suppose that's the root of this issue. I distrust nearly all women to some degree right from the start.  It's an area in which I need incredible self-improvement. 

There's so much more I could ramble on about this, but it's late and I'm not going to air dirty laundry.